((((i love you guys all so much. thank you for keeping me sane through this))).

re: doubting myself. i dont remember if i mentioned on this thread or not - i saw a counsellor at uni last week to try & figure out exam stuff, but he essentially told me there wasn't any reason to believe i was telling the truth because anyone could make up the same stuff. old-T was kind of the same - he believed me on the "light" stuff but not on the stuff i found hard to disclose. it feeds into my self doubt about the veracity of my recollections.

austin t called me today - i had sent him the forms to fill out but told him i didnt know if i was lying because no one believes me. he told me he was very displeased with what that counsellor had said to me, and had gone to talk to one of his colleagues who works at my uni also and had argued with her about the situation too. he said the good thing is that she told him what to write so they are likely to approve my getting a supplementary exam.

he also sent me an email later on and said he wouldn't be spending all the time that he did on me if he didnt believe me. and that "the psych there needs to have his head read himself" .

i spoke to the src (= student representative council). they said that one of the places they rely on for emergency accomodation is being renovated, so they really cant help out right now. they did give me a number to call that could help with free removals/storage and also money for a bond. it was really difficult because the person i had made the appt with (over the phone) was a girl, but then the person who spoke with me was a guy, and i was too scared to tell him what was really happening. maybe he would have helped more if he knew what was happening, but i had the impression he felt like i was wasting his time.

it's ok, sunny!! my parents are first generation migrants, but i was born in australia. i get caught between "my" (very much more liberal) culture and their way of seeing things. it is difficult because i want to respect their belief system, but at the same time i dont agree that a lot of it is right and i dont want to be subject to it (of course, they see things differently). even with their faults, i do love my folks a lot. and i have a pretty large extended family (more like a mini continent - my cousin's wedding had 600 guests, and they were being picky about who to invite) but i would lose contact with a lot of them if there was a big family rupture. they would have to side with my parents, i understand that. but it would be sad for me - to go from instant community to nothing.

i'm doing a bachelor of arts. an honours year is something you tack onto the end of that - it's when you do your independent research projects instead of attending lectures etc. it is kind of like a masters equivalent - you either do well in honours (1 year) or average in masters (2 years) as a stepping stone into a phd. honours is still undergrad level, whereas masters/phd are postgrad.

for most professions it doesn't really matter, but the way psych is organised in australia requires that you have a 4 year undergraduate degree (3 years of arts/science & 1 year honours). then 2 years practical experience. then 2 years masters. and (finally!) if you want to call yourself a doctor, do your phd. *snort*

if i'm able to finish my honours year, i can register as an intern psychologist and get paid to do the 2 years experience thing. it's not unheard of, but things would be tricky to graduate with my BA and then try & gain admission to extend it to a 4th year later on. and the jobs i'd be looking at with just a BA would have pretty poor prospects in terms of income. Austin-t calls it the "Bugger All" degree.

i love your fantasy!! in fact, i might just settle myself in to your place (in a fantasy kind of way, of course).

hi tay. thanks for sharing. about the fear. it's kind of hard to explain to ppl how paralysed i feel by it all. which makes me feel really stupid - to be scared, more scared of moving out than living in a guaranteed unsafe situation.

i know no one thinks it's a big deal, and everyone keeps saying it's only temporary, but i am getting a lot out of this trip to japan, yknow. the longest ive been alone was at the beginning of this year when i was having hallucinations & my family went on holidays for about a week. but even then i was at home and everything was set up.

the japan thing is good for me because it's building up my confidence a tiny bit. just really stupid things like even booking a hotel, and figuring out how to travel around and stuff. and im going with my friends, so that could be interesting too. im a really sociable person when im out, but i tend to go home and completely crash and that's something im scared about with sharing with other ppl - that they'll think i'm a loser because i dont go out on the weekends etc.

(((((((((impy && P7))))))))))) i want to reply to your posts buy quite honestly im starting to drift off now because im tired. i will try to read them again tomorrow.