When I left my therapist of 5 years and was shopping for a new one, I had my records copied. She and my pdoc worked at the same clinic, so I had his notes for the same amount of time. It was really pretty boring! -- just session notes and med notes and not much (except from the pdoc) on my state of mind or whatever at the time I was seen.

Of course, since then I've been freaked out enough to have had two hospitalizations, and THOSE notes scare me, kind of. As curious as I am, I'd also just really rather not know. I got all the glimpse I needed when last time around, my inpatient pdoc (my regular guy doesn't do inpatient and works through a friend of his who does) upped my Effexor to 450 mg. Max, as far as I know, is 375 mg. So I came home and called my regular pdoc and said, "Dr. Temme upped my Effexor and I thought I was already maxed out."

My pdoc said, and I quote, because for me it summed up what they think of me -- "well, there are meds I routinely go over recommended maxes on. THAT'S WHAT YOU DO WHEN NOTHING ELSE IS WORKING." And then he added, helpfully (?), "I'd trust Dr. Temme on this one, because he sees the really hardcore cases in the hospital."

Hmm. I guess this means I'm hardcore, huh?

In the same hospitalization, we were having a session with one of the therapists who is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. She used the stages that alcoholics go through to explain to us the stages of mental illness. There's early, middle, late, and chronic. "By the time you get to this level of care," she said, "you're chronic."

Hey, cool! NOBODY thinks I can be cured!

On another note, I would looooooove to see my current therapist's notes on me, just because he has so much more insight than anyone else has had into me so far.

So, not sure what to tell you, Myzen. I guess just trust your gut.

Candy