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Originally Posted by BlueMoon6
I dont know where to post this. I am feeling so awful. I have been crying on and off this evening. And feeling sui and what I should plan and how my children will be effected. I want to SI but I didnt b/c I will be out of control. I feel like I have had enough of everything, of trying, of whatever the problem is, of working on issues, Im tired of thinking. I am tired of going to therapy. I want to go to sleep and never wake up. Im tired of life.
I need hugs, but I dont want to post something asking for hugs b/c I dont feel deserving of hugs. I am just sick of crying and crying. I wont ever get what I need in this life and I dont know why I am trying at all. I feel all alone. All I do is take care of my children and husband and I feel like I am falling apart. Even medication doesnt work. I wish it would all end.
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I know exactly how you feel. I've been feeling like that for the past couple of days. Normally I'm able to cope and get over my feelings and recognize the symptoms and fight through it.
Well, this week I can't. I just don't want to exist anymore. I am so tired of feeling this way. Thoughts that I can't get out of my mind. Feeling depressed and tired. Not knowing what tomorrow is going to bring. Am I going to feel good, angry, depressed, happy, be tired, be energetic, explosive, or just not give a crap about anything. I just really can't take feeling like this anymore.
I have just given up. I have no hope left. I've tried numerous medications. At one point I was on several different meds. Causing so many side effects: Gaining weight, losing weight, anxiety, cycling, depression, anger and many more.
When does it end? When do I ever get to lead a normal or close to normal life? To be able to wake up and not let the enviornment, weather, a thought, the tv, a song, something someone says, anything and everything, depict what kind of day I will have?
Sorry for going off the subject. It's just believe me I know exactly how you feel. Just wanted to crawl into a hole and disappearing. To not exist so the pain, hurt, frustration, thoughts, guilt, etc., just go away. Coming back when you feel better. But that is never possible, with having children and a husband depending on you. All you can do, which I know is not easy when your feeling this way, is to find something in your life that brings you joy. Try to distract yourself until you have the strength mentally to be able to deal. I know its very hard, believe me. There are people out there who love you. Who will be there for you and stand by your side no matter what. Those number one people are your children. You deserve a hug, a kiss, a tender word, or simple just we'll get through this.
I don't know how old your children are. My boys are 12 and 10. My youngest has bipolar, as well as a couple of other diagnosis'. When I feel this way, I try not to seclude myself from them. Just to sit and hold them. That makes me feel better some times. Please don't give up. We are in the same boat right now feeling the same way.. I wanna believe that one day things will be better. For now we just have to get through the worst. For ourselves right now. Not for anyone else. Hope this somewhat helped...