yes, icky--i believe it was fine to post in si section. some si have ptsd like you. i am one. i relate to your words of both the poem and how cutting "snaps" one out of the state where memories, impressions, etc. become so overwhelming. i wish i had words of comfort, wisdom, and encouragement but all i can offer is myself and my experiences that i share similar to yours. the last time i cut was after a T appoint. during that session i had "gone back" to places of my past and it was overwhelming. i couldn't shake the effect it had on me until i cut. i don't understand why the cutting offers mental relief except that, for me, the physical pain pulls my mind out. sometimes if i engage in hard exercise it can replace the cutting because it's essentially doing the same thing--producing the physical pain that wins mental focus. lately, i've had really weird dreams. they've been so life like that it's been hard for me to tell if i had dreamt them or if they actually happened. has this ever happened to you or anyone else out there? ((((((icky)))))