my anorexia has basically been in remission but this summer i've gotten so many comments on how "good" i look, how i look like i've "gotten some sun" (i used to be deathly pale), how "healthy," how i've "put on some weight," etc. it's sickening. i wish people would just keep their mouth shut and not comment on how i look. i know that sounds weird but i feel like i was trying to do this for myself and now i'm losing that control because they're making appearance so important and i want it all to go away. i want to disappear, become invisible again. i weigh 107lbs and have really battled my mind to stay here. i tired, weary, ready to give up for a while. i've been exercising a lot (biking hours at a time, whole day strenuous hikes, etc) and have developed the subsequent muscles that are drawing attention. i don't want to get attention for gaining weight. i hate it. so i'm quitting. i'm not going to eat for a while because i can't take it anymore. i can't hear it all and plaster on that smiling bubbly face in response. i want to cry.