Quote:
Originally Posted by exoticflower
My session this week we were talking about the anger I feel about my ex-T. and how to express that. I say I feel rage, but you can't see it, I don't show it, you read about it in my poems, but why can't I let it go verbally? Showing anger is something I learned to repress as a child for if I showed it, I would get hurt even more or die like my brother because he didn't hide the anger. Not showing my emotions probably saved me from a lot of abuse.
I think part of it is that I don't want to yell because others around in other offices will hear. It is hard to let go if I know others will be listening or certainly hear it. I would feel very self conscience, kinda like crying too.
I think the other part of it is hearing anger never feels safe to me. I don't think even hearing myself being angry doesn't feel safe either.
How do the rest of you express anger in the T's office? Do any of you yell or cry loudly? Do any of you feel like you have to be reserved because you are within earshot of many people?
|
Exotic-
I also have trouble expressing anger (in and outside of T). I have only expressed anger maybe twice in T so far. Both times I was really angry. One time I calmly swore. The other time I blew up at my T (totally out of the blue in reaction to something she said). I don't remember what exactly happened, but I think I rose my voice a little bit and said something. (I never knew what exactly). I clenched my hands and pounded them on the chair. While it was a stressful experience, it was also healing in that I was able to learn that I wasn't going to lose control and I would come back to myself even when I was really really angry. My T was actually happy and smiled. While she wasn't trying to make me angry and felt bad about saying what she had said, she was happy that I was able to express my anger. We repaired the rupture and I was able to learn a lot from it.
As for the noise, I didn't have to worry about it with that T, as I was the only one in the small office being seen at that time. But I do think it would inhibit me from being really loud. As for crying I spent a lot of time as a kid teaching myself to cry silently so sound isn't an issue.
Have you talked to your T about expressing anger? We were able to talk about it and it made me feel safer with being angry.