Ughhhhh… I miss my friend so badly. I wrote a couple months back about what was going on between her and I.
http://forums.psychcentral.com/showf...o=&fpart=1
It was stupid to fall in love with her but I did none the less (she did too). I tried contacting her a couple weeks after we had our "it just can’t happen talk" and it blew up in my face. She ended up sending me a horrible letter and picture that totally crushed me. After that I figured I would just leave it be. I hoped she might call or write on my birthday but nothing. That really made me sad, no one ever says anything for my birthday. Anyway, about a week later I sent her a postcard from California. Nothing special, just typical postcard stuff though I did say at the end that I missed her. No response. Two weeks after that I found out that she had been featured at an art event in town soon after I had writen. I thought it was a pretty big deal, she's been trying to make it as an artist. I really would have liked to have at least known about it. Actually I think that has made me the most sad of all. I guess it's clear that she wants nothing to do with me any more. That should have been clear from the beginning but I wanted to hope. This week I mailed her back a movie of hers I still had. I didn't write any note, I figured it would just be best to give it back and not cause any more trouble. I had planned on sending her a postcard or two on my upcoming bike tour (I’ll be sending out lots of cards, not just to her) but I guess I won’t. It’s so hard not to call or email her. I wanted to send her an email asking if she got her movie. Yoi. Yesterday I even considered calling her phone while she was at work just to hear the answering machine. I feel like a turd admitting that but it was what was in my head.

I miss her so much and think about her every day. I've had my heart broken before and I know it takes a long, long time to get over. It just makes me sad that she’s never going to be a part of my life again. Sad, sad, sad…