yes I understand about needing the relief and being addicted to the feeling BIG TIME...but I keep doing it too....my voice tells me to do it and then afterwards that same person tells me how bad I am for doing it....does that make sense?? I have these constant surges all the time...I have talked to my T about them too and he says to yell really loud to leave me alone...but honestly that does not help with SIing...it does for other things though...I too feel at times I am loosing my mind over this....most of the time I think dumb stupid things and the words make no sense at all...just words and I know they are not right but they still come into my mind....
I hope you are well too...hang in there your not alone...