Dear Hope --- When i was just barely 17 I became an emancipated minor and was able to move into my family of choice.
It took me over 10 years of being with them before I could make eye contact and another 5 years before I could even give them a kiss on the cheek or a hug.
It was very very difficult to re-learn how to be. even to this day I sometimes find myself regresssing when it comes to being able to show love or affection and I hate being that way.
I really really want to be able to give my family a hug or go beyond "good good" friends with my boyfriend but still am unable to at times. I give myself a pep talk before I see them and sometimes it works and sometimes it fails.
I have this friend I go to see every year in Maine and a big giant hug and a kiss is so automatic that I look forward to that part of my vacation more than anything else. why cannot it be that eay with everyone.
I must say that with my Godchildren (8,5,2) that hugging, cuddling and kissing go on all the time. I am grateful for that. I love them more than life itself.
What I am trying to say is that learning to reparent ourselves is difficult but well worth the effort.
GOOD LUCK!!
have you ever tried EMDR I have found that extremely helpful with the sadistic and horrifying effects of my childhood.