Wow, you have just describe me to a T. I understand how you feel and actually truely mean it. I am going to the same stuff right now and where as I don't have any advice I do want you to know you are so not alone. I have not found anything to help with this other than I'm doing an outpatient partial hospitilzation program that seems to help let my thoughts and fears and emotions come out in a positive place where it's okay and NOBODY is judging me. Maybe you should see if your local hospital has a program similar to this one. I will keep you in my thoughts. I hope you find something to help yourself. If you do come up with something I'd love to hear it so maybe it could work for me.