---- I am very truly sorry to hear that ----
I rememnber the agony when I was actively cutting myself and how difficult it really is not to do it.
One of the things I found most helpful in stopping or slowing down first........was never to have cutting instruments at hand.'
If I had to run out to the store to get something it gave me the extra time needed to respond differently.
I really know the agaony you go thru and how difficult it is and hope in the future you can reach out and touch someone first. I do care and will keep you in my prayers for a safe recovery.