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lynn09 · Nov 19, 2009, 09:17 PM

I'm sorry that you are in such pain and turmoil, (((((Notz))))). In any given situation and at any given time, the only control any of us has is over the decisions we make for ourselves regardless of what others think and do. As for "best laid plans," they rarely are fulfilled as we envision them since we have no way of knowing who we are going to be any number of days, months, or years down the road. Life is not static, and I have personally found that, more often than not, it is one of my contingency plans that actually gets implemented; and, even though I learned early on to develop as many of those as possible, it is usually the contingency plan formulated in the immediate moment that rules the day.

Any relationship, personal or professional, is only as strong as the mutual respect and trust shared by those involved; betrayal of trust is the surest sign of lack of respect for the other party(ies) concerned and usually heralds the end of a relationship since doubt is an extremely difficult houseguest to evict once it has taken up residency. You deserve more than living in "limbo" or pain, Notz. We can ask little or much of others and life; therefore, it only makes sense to ask (demand) the very best of both and to do whatever is required of us to obtain it. In truth, if you ask little of others and life, that's exactly what you are going to get - and doing so leaves you vulnerable to those who are only willing and/or able to give little. Both in life and relationships, Notz, your autonomy, dignity, self-respect, trust, hope, joy, and peace of mind should never be negotiable. I hope you are able to formulate a "New Plan" that provides you with a better opportunity to have the life and relationships you want and need for yourself and the others "who are in the plan."