Quote:
Originally Posted by Lauru
I was married for five years, only to find out my partner cheated on me. Yes the relationship had been crappy the last year. But I kept my vows and she didn't. All I asked was that if and when one of us felt the relationship was over, and/or that we were interested in someone else, then that person needs to tell the other first! It hurts so bad, and so deeply erodes my trust and faith in people, that I pray that you either work on your marriage or let it go. Please, this is how it starts, with "innocent" flirting. Just be honest for both your sakes.
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Thanks Lauru. Yes, we both know that it isn't working and have discussed seperating. We're holding off on account of kiddo who, after strugging at school for years, is finally doing pretty well and he only has about a year left. Don't want to rock the boat on that. It may be reassuring to know that in 25 years I've never cheated at all. Despite the fact that he has - once for sure-- , along with a couple other suspicions. Oh that, and constantly telling me how he gets hit on. I think that's a pretty good track record and restraint on my part. (and with having bipolar -- go me!
I didn't even know what was the deal with me till about a year ago, so had no clue even what to watch out for!) I have been told many times that I can send out strong some pretty strong "stay away" vibes. That's probably helped...) Between the shy and the stay away vibes, social contact tends to not present much opportunity anyway.
I am sorry you got hurt, Lauru
This is good advice.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tunesinger
INNNERZONE,
Believe it or not, this is more common than you think, especially with Bipolar people. The problem with the internet thing is that is it all fantasy. Something your husband is compared with, for instance his inability to talk to you, but this guy can, but yet because it is fantasy, he can never live up to it. Let me see if I can explain it, as it has happened in my life, only I was on the other side.
In the internet relationship, even if it moved on to phone calls and meeting for coffee and nothing more...the fantasy of what this man MAY become is prince charming. In other words, its what he WON'T become. He won't choose to watch a football game when you need to talk, he won't get drunk and embarrass you in front of family, you won't have to wake up to his nasty smells and bad breath and all the annoying habits. He won't go off on you over some pet peeve of his that has no basis in reality, and , here's the big one, He'll never be a bad lover because you won't sleep with him. A real person can't compete with the fantasy.
Proceed with caution and share with your therapist. We are most vulnerable when we are in the beginning of bipolar cycle. Please take care of yourself, and give yourself value. I hope this helps and doesn't sound preachy, it was not my intent. 
Tunesinger |
Not preachy at all. And so true. Reality can *not* compete with fantasy. I know this well from spending so much time in fantasyland. Fortunately, the objects thereof were totally unobtainable and or literally (yes, literally) impossible. I have actually actively worked on reminders of incompatibility (yes, I have some and parade them across my brain), to rein in any tendencies that way. And surely it must be some help that I'm not really viewing it that way. And geographical distance is substantial. That helps too.
Unfortunately, I don't have a therapist, but am seeking a rec from the P-doc for one. So hopefully soon.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anneinside
If you don't have other signs of hypomania then perhaps your involvement with your email friend is a normal type of behavior of someone reaching out for "something" from another person. Be careful.
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Could well be. Upon closer inspection, there are other clues pointing to hypomania. It just kind of threw me because some of the "usual" ones were missing. It'd be both then, and all the more reason to be careful. I *know* my vulnerability is very high, with so many years being sooooo very estranged, so I'm trying to remember that and keep a handle on it. In fact, of all the factors, I'd say that's that one is by far the most dangerous to me, with this situation or without, so I guess it's good to be aware of it.
Thanks so much.
You all make very good points and I will be keeping them all in mind.