((((((((((Elysium)))))))))) Think you could handle another viewpoint?
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Originally Posted by Elysium3006
Now....the person I am is nowhere near the person I thought or longed to be.
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I have no idea how I'd like the person you expected/longed to be but I like
you just fine. You don't suppose...
your expectations suck or something?
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Every time I have crawled out on that limb...I fall and it hurts. Why can't I just feel safe crawling out? Why can't their just be a sturdy limb...instead of a flimsy one?
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You keep seeking out the flimsy limbs because that's where you have unfinished business?
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And why can't their be someone there that will catch me if I fall? Not because they feel obliged to, but because they want to?
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You make a point of going where they ain't because that's where your unfinished business takes you?
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Now....I am at the beginnings of the alienation of my mother and her side of the family. For my whole life...my Mother and I have been way to close to each other. We've had a very co-dependent relationship. I have been caught in this guilt spiral with her...
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But when you notice yourself moving away from that, you call it alienation?
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... and am living a State away from where she lives now. I think this is a good thing because it gives me a chance to become my own person. But I am not doing that. I am hiding...
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Who says hiding can't be part of becoming your own person?
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The other day, on the phone with my Mother, she was laying on the guilt about how hard it was for her to deal with the symptoms of my disorders.... She said she is having a difficult time coping with MY issues but that she has been doing her own research, soul searching, and therapy to help her deal with my issues.
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Geez! On top of all the other valuable services you provide, you're even giving your mom an excuse to get some therapy!
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Wanting to make sure that she was getting accurate information, I asked what she had been reading and she said "books". I asked "what books?", and she said..."books!!". I said, "yes, I know...but which ones? I want to make sure you're getting accurate information.", and she stated "I'm not going to tell you which books I'm reading. I have to get information on my own." ... Next I asked her what kind of therapy she was doing to help her cope with MY issues and she said "personal therapy".
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If she failed to make it sufficiently clear that her reading and therapy were entirely about
your issues...
someone might get the mistaken idea that
she had issues too!
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What I hate more is that I'm 33 and still hung up on my parents.
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And going through this fascinating process of getting unhung, and sharing very generously and articulately with us about it.
What's to hate about that?
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What the hell happened to the life I dreamed of having?
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I don't know, but while you're questing after it don't forget to stop and smell the roses.
