I find it interesting that a lot of us have this struggle and we all have different ways of coping. I know my T tells me to paint or write about it, that she feels that is a healthy way to express it. I guess maybe what I am asking is how to express when I am in her office?

It seem like I shut it down, or change the subject, or do anything to not to feel it. I don't think I intentionally do this, it is like automatic. I am thinking this might have to do with the fact that I was conditioned as a child to do this like some of you have said, it wasn't safe to have those emotions.

She pointed out to me yesterday that I had some very troubling things that has happened over the past 2 weeks, and while I felt a lot of anger, I didn't completely fall apart or say something I might regret. I used my verbal words and I used my writing to do that, even here with some of my threads I have discussed the things that bother me with the world. I kept my ground and stuck up for myself but I didn't get too overwhelmed, Cus many of these things over the last couple of weeks would have normally wanted me to go tell people to **&%$ themselves. LOL

So I made my anger work for me in healthy ways but I wondering when I am in the therapy room, if she is looking for more of that anger, even the anger that might be buried or at the surface, which seems to stay buried. I just don't know, I guess I should ask. I know she wants me to feel safe to be able to feel anything in her office, and I have progressed some with that.
I know T's use other methods like beating a chair with a noodle or something, but there is no way I am going to do that. (I've seen the noodle in her office and I think she mentioned it very early in therapy with me) I am like NO WAY I AM DOING THAT. Besides I would feel sorry for the chair, and I just don't feel comfortable with hitting anything, It reminds me too much of violence Plus there way too many people within earshot for me to ever feel comfortable with that.