Hello there to the of you!

Well to complicate things even further,I failed my driving exam.My dad didn't want to pay for extra driving classes and the driving school took to long to schedule my exam,so I hadn't touched my car for one month and a half when I went on my driving exam yesterday.I let the engine die five times.Five times,that's a lot.I drove for only 5 minutes before the examiner told me to stop the car.

During this time I had driving lessons with my dad,which is not only illegal,but turned out to be counter productive,because my dad's car is very different from the car where I had to take my exam.So,not only did I fail,and failing the exam is not exacly the problem,but the problem is that I went through the humiliation of my life,as my driving exam was nothing less but a complete shame.My dad made me lose my time,made us do something illegal,made me hit a tree with his car,and then made me look stupid on my driving exam.

Not to mention-my mom did something stupid a couple of days ago-something that affected my little brother and that she now regrets-but my dad is punishing her heavily for that,and I have to hear him saying these horrible things about my mom.

It is just so sad-I had to learn how to manipulate in order to "survive",because I wasn't this person before.But being good has brought me nowhere.I was nice to everyone and I was miserable,now I am still miserable but at least I get the things I want/need.

Vickie-the medical care system here in Portugal works very slow,if it's not a live or die matter no one cares and it would take me months to get an appointment with a psychiatrist.I would kill myself before I had an appointment with a doctor.

Perpetuallysad-it's OK,I understand,you just needed to vent.I need to vent too,let all this things go.I don't think I can hold all this much longer.

Well I am mostly sad because I feel like I am losing myself,changing into a wosrt person-well I was never perfect but I was quite nice to everyone,kind and compassionate.Now I couldn't care less,I want what I want when I want it and if someone gets hurt while I try to reach my goals well bad luck for you.