I love math. I've always loved math, even if I'm not the BEST. Maybe in the top 10%, but not the best. I finished all the math courses my school had to offer (they only went to Calculus I) by my junior year, so I decided to take Calculus again AND take a new math class online, as a "supplement."

Of course, that was a stupid idea.

I have an 82% in the class, after failing two consecutive tests. I really don't want to continue the class anymore, because I'm obviously too dumb to absorb the material. I asked my mom to withdraw me, but instead, she went on this ridiculous "you can do it!" crusade. NOW, because it's been longer than 30 days since I started the class, I can't even get my money back (if my mom had withdrawn me from the class when I asked her to, she could have gotten a FULL refund), so that's $500 down the hole -- money that we could've used to buy GROCERIES instead of this. Instead, she asked my teacher to give me a "pep talk." I'm so sick and tired of this class! It's been a trigger for SI-ing and this stupid depressive episode I've had. I've already embarrassed myself enough failing these stupid tests, so I don't see the reason to continue.

The rational part of me realizes that it's stupid to completely intertwine my self-esteem and self-worth to a grade percentage, but I can't seem to help myself. Even for an honor's Statistics class, an 82% is like a big "F" stamped on my forehead. I'm such a compleate failure, and I'm honestly considering of abandoning all hope of applying to college, even though I've been contacted by University of Chicago, Caltch, and Rice (as well as smaller, local colleges) to apply to their engineering/science programs. How would I ever succeed in Caltech if I can't even do a simple Statistics class? If I stay in the class, I'm so scared of failing another test; but if I leave, I'm only proving what a failure I am. I guess it's really a lose-lose situation.