((gingerkat))

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with your H.
What really bothers me (and reminds me of myself) reading your posts is how poorly you think of yourself.

You may not ever get H to be communicative, but you CAN work on your own sense of self. Even if H miraculously turns into an always loving partner, you will still be left with a depleted sense of who you are. You have to heal YOU before you can focus on healing the relationship.

Spend some time with T or with trusted friends remembering who you are. All of who you are -- and forget about H for a moment. When you feel good and strong and are able to like yourself, then you can make an thoughtful decision about what is best for your life.

Personally, I found myself in a position where I was almost waiting for H to change so that I could heal. I felt like if H wasn't going to change, then there was no hope for my healing. That kept me stuck. I gave H all of my power by doing that. If H was in a bad mood, I was tense. If H was happy, I was happy but tense waiting for the next bad mood. Slowly I have been able to separate and create an emotional space for myself. H can be in a bad mood and I can be happy and that is 'ok'. The beauty is that I feel better about myself and the pressure to 'fix' the relationship is gone. There are still issues we need to work on, but I am much more peaceful now that I have learned to like myself again -- regardless of H's mood.