I wasn't finished writing but I must have clicked "send". Sorry. I have some questions for you, which of course you don't have to answer. You don't want to get better; you just want to die but aren't suicidal. So you are depressed. Are you on an antidepressant? If not, why not?

How long have you felt this way? Do you have reasons why you don't want to live? Why don't you want to get better, in other words?

Is it possible that you are seeing the wrong Ts? I do not think it's a waste of money or the T's time if you go just to be there. I think part of you DOES want to feel better, and eventually you will trust the right T. My T has said that just talking helps some people. I will extend that to just being there with someone who cares can help too. I like to be in my T's presence; she calms me down. Can you get a referral to someone else who knows your situation beforehand? PLEASE don't give up just because you feel the way you do now.