i don't think it matters if you want to get better. Change can be scary. I didn't want to get better at first and was seeing a cbt therapist, she couldn't see how she helped me so gave up and kicked me out of therapy. then when i had no support i tried desperatly to find someone who cared if i was alive. I found a therapist. She helped a lot. Its up 2 u what u do. But cbt doesn't sound helpful for you either.