I began therapy a few years ago, in midlife. It has been incredibly helpful to me. I have learned so much. I am happier. I understand myself and others better. I am more comfortable with myself. I learned to "listen" to myself better and recognize what I am feeling. I have improved my communication skills. I have learned to share deeply with another human being. There has been no down side (except for less cash in my bank account!).

Last week during my session, I was talking to my therapist about how now I would not put up with certain things in a relationship that I had put up with for years in my younger days. I would just say forget that! and walk away, or I would tell the person firmly that was not acceptable. If he couldn't accommodate, I would not get involved with him, etc. I have a much clearer view of what is acceptable in a relationship and what is not. I have begun to learn to set boundaries. My T told me I had almost no boundaries when I began therapy. As we were talking, I exclaimed to T something like, "I wish I had been able to do this when I was 25!" And he said that is so common in therapy--that many people do not go to therapy until they are older, and then learn all these things, are able to change, etc. I do wish I had gone to therapy when I was younger, but I also wonder if I would have been so ready to change and grow and heal? Would I have even had the dysfunctional patterns in my life emerge clearly yet? T said that many clients go to therapy in midlife, when they are really seeing their own mortality--their parents are aging and ill and their kids are approaching adulthood or have moved out. They are left with just themselves or themselves and their spouse, and wonder, is this all there is? Do I want to be this way for the rest of my life? Think this way? Relate this way? Feel this way? Without so much to keep them busy like childrearing and establishing a career, they have more time to ponder and recognize discontentment and one's "flaws" (or dysfunctional behaviors) that may have led down paths that ended up in unsatisfactory or damaging destinations. When I was younger, I am not sure I would have been "mature" enough for all of this deep work and insight. Maybe.

Anyway, that is my experience and some observations from my therapist.

I think sometimes therapists who only practice one approach might get kind of dogmatic and only be willing to deliver one type of therapy even if the client would do better with another approach. That reminds me somwhat of what can be dogma in religions. However, it seems like many therapists these days are eclectic and will use the best techniques for the presenting client. And therapists who are not so flexible may refer out if they realize their approach cannot help a client. I do think, for me, the most important thing has been my therapist himself and our relationship, rather than his exact approach. He has used techniques from several different schools of therapy with me, and we have had success with a number of them. I did have a therapist before him who stuck more closely to one approach, and our therapy was not as successful. I also didn't have the close relationship with her that I have with my current T.