Hi, I totally understand where you are coming from. Especially the last line of your message, "it seems I'm becoming obsessed with food..." that was my life for as long as I can remember. I had full fledged eating disorders starting at age 15, I was anorexic and developed amenoerhea; at 18 I cracked under the pressures of college and started binge eating for months with no purging, then purging for months. Your story struck me because I am quite similar in that I was on a healthy diet, then crashed into a sort of bottomless pit mode. Even when I had binged on everything in sight and was literally sick to my stomich, with my stomich bulging because of the shear volume of how much I had consumed, I still wasn't full. Then I would purge, and the guilt would be gone, but purging just extends the cycle.
Ok, so it gets better. Up to a couple weeks ago I was still purging, but my hunger is ceasing rapidly, and more importantly I'm developing skills to "tame" my emotional and impulsive desires to eat. Mostly, I started by doing what you're doing, by eating a healthy diet. But I realized that as a former anorectic, I held WAY to high of standards for weight loss. SO, I started giving myself little allowances, things I hadn't had in six plus years (food and emotional deprivations) that were causings my food obsession (like full fat dressing on salad). Most likely, you too have some things that you've been denying yourself that you can eventually learn to give back to yourself in a healthy portion. This built the first step of trusting myself again with food, and that led to a greater acceptance/trust in the natural fluctuations of my body. Also, I realized that (duh) my food issues= not being good enough for myself, and that working through that (even by combating an episode by saying "I am good enough" seems to be reaffirming) should be a priority.
Also, I was given a low dose SSRI (lexapro) to lower hunger. I don't know if this is standard practice, but it did help to dull my hunger a bit. Now I'm on a mood stabilizer for Bipolar and to control hunger (topamax -- very helpful).
May I ask what you think brought on your bulimia?
Sorry that this is so long, if you need to talk anytime my e-mail is jesseryn@hotmail.com.