I am no martyr, I am a woman that has been struggling with a disease for a very long time. My life is difficult, but there are people out there that deal with much worse on a daily basis. I shared part of my story because some people seemed to think that I had no concept of how debilitating this particular affliction can be, I wish that were true. The last black spell lasted so long and took so much from me, that I will never be the same again. My reality and priorities have changed, I now accept that I will deal with this for the rest of my life. As difficult and depressing as the existance I lead is, I am grateful that right now my will power is stronger than the depression. I live in fear of returning to the time when depression tips the scales in the other direction.