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This is an interesting thread. I'm now 37 and have re-entered therapy after a nearly 8-year break. My previous stints at therapy were basically dealing with the momentary crises. I wasn't in a place to really know who I was or to even understand the hard work that would be needed to help me long-term. That being said, when I returned to therapy about 5 months ago, I went with a therapist that was closer to my age (only ten years older). I was skeptical about this, but I pressed forward. Mid-way through, we both recognized that I needed a completely different path due to a lot of things that came up, so I searched for a specialist in abuse/dissociation. I must say, though, the age thing was a psychological hindrance for me. For me, I have a deep respect for people who have wisdom from decades of doing things, and I make every effort to draw on that wisdom.
My search for an abuse/dissociative specialist was the first time I actually conducted interviews, and doing so taught me a tremendous amount about myself. What I believe is that clients need to understand they can take their time in finding someone, not just pointing to a name in a book and then going. I ended up with someone older (by approx. 30 years), but it was the right choice, and I'm glad I gave myself the time and space to be selective.
Now that I'm feeling more settled in with this new person, I'm focusing on doing what I need to do, like being honest all the time and understanding that I cannot get from this person what I did not get from my parents. The latter realization has been profound for me, and I now understand that had I realized that in my earlier attempts at therapy, then perhaps there would not have been as much lost opportunity in my life. I’ve not told her about this realization. I’m moving slowly into telling her, waiting for the right time, because I understand that it will be incredibly shameful to admit it to someone and painful to fully accept it and do the work needed to move beyond.
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