Hi - I am new here and not really sure how this works. I am just looking to share my situation and possibly gather some advice.
I am currently going through a divorce with someone a family counselor has described as having a narcissitic personality disorder. When I researched information on the disorder, it was an unbelievably accurate description of his personality. I have been married for nearly 20 years, unwisely staying together because I have 2 children. He has worked very hard at projecting himself as absolutely wonderful to the entire community. He volunteers for everything and loves the adoration he receives. He makes sure he is visable at all our children's events. Noone would ever think for a moment that he could possibly treat us so badly at home.
He would always "set me up" to look bad. For example, I am the head of an organization in our town and people would give him material or information to pass on to me, but he simply wouldn't. I would look foolish for not responding, etc. as he would always claim he gave me the information. There are many more examples.
He becomes particularly disturbed when I lose weight and does everything in his power to make people believe I am having an affair. A few years ago, he bugged my house, car and phone, and hired people to follow and film me. The scary part was, I was never happier in my entire marriage, because he was taking me out to dinner, shopping with me, enjoying sex for the first time in many years, etc. I had no clue what he was doing behind my back. Everything came to light when he contacted a coworker's wife and said I was having an affair with her husband. He did that even after his detectives said that I most definately was not. We started into counseling, and then I found an application for a handgun permit. The counselor at that time said he either needed to go away for intense treatment or she was going to the authorities because she was concerned for my safety. He went away to the Caron Foundation for treatment. I took the leap of faith and stayed with him because he said he truly knew he was abusive, much like his dad. The "honeymoon" did not last long. Flash forward to now. Once again, I decided to lose weight and get healthier. He was definately planting seeds all over the place that I was having an affair. He then proceeded to rub my underwear and bras with poison sumac. The pain and discomfort were unbelievable. He was telling my Mom that I must be cheating as it is so peculiar that I only have poison at my private areas. My therapist insisted that I get a restraining order and contacted a lawyer on my behalf. That was on October 2nd. A scary thing is that, once again, guns come in to play. He had relocated his hunting guns - about seven - to someone else's house - because he said it was crazy at our house. Wow, once again, he was angry and I was unaware what was going on in his head. Thankfully, he had to turn the guns over as a result of a search warrant. He still has not seen the children because, as the counselor's have put it, he is not taking responsibility for what he has done. He is so angry and doing things that cost so much money through the attornies. My kids and I feel like we are on an island by ourselves as noone really understands how he is. They only see Mr. Wonderful and hear his sob story of how he is just a victim and I am keeping the children from him. He is living with his brother and has now reconnected with his family that he did not bother with for years (of course, blaming me for that), which is concerning as they all grew up in the same dysfunctional household.
There is so much more, but I've obviously gone on too long now. Some of my questions revolve around the guns. Should I be frightened with the connection? It just seems that noone except the kids and I see the fear we have. Will he ever become civil enough to get through this divorce? After all, he should. He will be taking half my pension and 401K per the lawyer, and paying little child support, as he could take cash in his business and reported little earnings. I never really knew what kind of money he was making and he was very angry when I questioned anything.
Sorry, just looking for some advice....... My head is spinning.