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And I admit I DO want you all to tell me it is ok - that I can still go 
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Sure you can go. It's your life and your time, and you can choose to do what you want with it. It can be your recreation, if that's what you want from it. Some people go on cruises, some people go to therapy. Therapy's expensive, but people spend lots more on things that are far more problematic.
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And every time I go back and try again, I know it will just lead to a broken heart when I fail and can't do what they expect of me and have to give up another T that I have become so dependent on...
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This statement just struck me as fairly significant, so I pulled it into quotes. Not really sure how to respond to it, except to say I noticed it.
My T says that therapy can be many things, and I certainly have gone through times when I did not do therapy -- just went because I was massively attached, and just couldn't bear not being with her. She accepted this. I've also dropped out for long periods. People need different things at different times.
You don't have to go to therapy if you don't want to. You can go if you choose to.
You seem pulled in both directions. Does that seem like what's going on for you?
-Far