Wonderingmary,

I'm 45 and began therapy in my mid-30's for the first time. I've been with the same therapist for most of that time. I believe I've learned alot from my therapy, but like you, I have been disappointed that it has not produced more fruitage. Regardless of my hard work in therapy, and the hard work of my therapist, change comes very slow to me, mostly because of the very thick emotional walls and other defenses that i've used for most of my life to feel safe. It has been extremely hard to trust my t enough with my internal life to set those defenses aside and expose the hurting, vulnerable side of me that is necessary in order to heal.

I've learned in therapy to be much more aware of my thoughts and feelings, and i tend to analyze a good bit. I've also done quite alot of reading about mental health and therapy. Like you, my t also often shares things with me that i already know. It doesn't bother me though because i tend to self-doubt, and having another person reinforce or validate what i think and feel helps me.

As far as things not making sense . . .we have experienced repeated times of miscommunication or confusion, often because i misinterpreted something she said or did. Thankfully, we always talk these situations through to resolution. The most problematic thing in my therapy (besides my defenses and trouble trusting) is for my t to truly understand what it is i am needing in order to heal. She has tried several things with only minimal success. And when i suggested something that i felt i very much needed, which took a great deal of courage and struggling, she didn't agree with meeting that need, which resulted in alot of damage to the therapy relationship. The bottom line is i believe my problems are so complicated, it's hard to find any one therapy approach that works for me. And i think my age does make it harder for me to rewire my brain and make needed changes.