Good evening. I am new here & wonder if there is a way to know what exactly it is that I have.
My 1st dx was about 13 years ago at age 26. MDD. Two years later I was dx as having Dysthymic Disorder instead, as I have felt this way my
entire life and have never been so depressed that I couldn't function.
A few years ago I was dx with ADHD and Cyclothymic Disorder (from answers given to a questionnaire before she even spoke to me and from the fact that an increase in Lexapro made me very agitated, panicky, and irritable). For whatever reason, I was totally freaked out to think that I might be bipolar and I never went back to that pdoc. How could she dx me with a questionnaire? I went to the next pdoc, telling him nothing (initially) of my previous dxs and was dx as Dysthymic again. "Whew," I thought.
I am starting to wonder, however, if I may actually fall somewhere on the bipolar spectrum, but I don't know how to tell. I have some mania questions:
- Can mania or hypomania be extreme irritability, as opposed to feeling euphoric? Because I can tell you that I probably haven't been truly happy, let alone euphoric, in my entire life (which, BTW was/is a good life - great parents, decent marriage, no divorce, no physical or mental abuse, etc.). But I am always "down in the dumps" but fly off the handle (verbally) for no apparent reason. I constantly feel like I have so much anger inside, but I do not harm myself or others physically.
- I have always maintained that I have never had a manic episode. I had a roommate once that was bipolar and she literally stayed up once for 5 or 6 days. By the time her Dad came and took her to the hospital, she was dressed up for church, squatting in front of the TV watching a tele-evangelist while calling his toll-free no. and pledging money. I have never done anything of the sort.
But then I started to think - maybe I have. I had a period of about a year (best I can remember) where I did things completely uncharacteristic for me & my conservative upbringing. I was in my early-mid 20s and that year I drank myself drunk most every night. I did things like drive drunk, drive topless down the main street in town (it was hard for others to see inside the car, but I did it nonetheless), after-hours skinny-dipped in several pools at apartment complexes in town, and slept with at least 15 -20 different men (all of whom I knew, but still...). I have always chalked that up to my rebelling a bit and just being young and single...but could that have actually been a manic episode?
- I have been on Wellbutrin 3x. The 1st was for smoking cessation & I honestly don't remember the dose, but no problems that I reacll. The 2nd time I went from 150mg to 300 mg, but 2 wks later Iwas so agitated and pissed off at the world that my pdoc suggested I go back to 150 mg and added in Zoloft. Most recently I was on Wellbutrin with Lexapro and the only effect I had was horrible clenching of my teeth.
Lexapro also did the same thing to me the 2nd time I was on it. The 1st time I was on 10 mg only. The next time I tried Lexapro, when I went from 10 mg to 20 mg I felt like bugs were crawling on my scalp and on my skin. A week later my pdoc took me off, prescribed Lamictal, and I fled in a panic, never taking it. This last time I was on Lexapro 20 mg. I had no more irritation thatn I usually feel on or off meds.
Does the fact that I had such extreme irritation and agitation mean anything if it didn't happen every time I tried those ADs?
Oh, my - I see this is already so long. I have more questions, and hope someone will be able to answer. I took myself off both Lexapro and Wellbutrin - cold turkey - 10 days ago and am feeling like I am about to loose my mind. I took some Valium I was prescribed several mos. ago (I have only taken it 4x in my life, but did double the dose today from 2 mg to 4 mg) just to stop all of the noise in my head. It has helped somewhat. I called my pdoc's office today & they are seeing me tomorrow morning. I will tell her everything I have said here, but just hoped that someone here could chime in with their thougts.
Thanks.