There truly is nothing funny about this. It is very debilitating and can suck the life from us. You could choose to take a stand and do some heavy-duty cbt dbt on a daily basis if you could find a group. Also, this may sound weird but I used to be so disconnected from my body I couldn't tell what any of feelings I had were. Massage has helped me so much with that on a lot of levels. It's time to grab that bull by the horns and fight this monster with all you have.