Hi all, I'm new at this forum that I find interesting and helpful!

I dont wanna write a book here, i just need to vent, to write what ails me off my chest.

I suffer form Depression, anxiety disorder and phobia. Maybe, even a bit of Bi-polarity
according to a psy I met 2 times to assest my CASE to my Doctor. I am on some medications because, last March, I have had my last piece of crap in the face from my
wife (and my descending carreer, money problems etc...) and I grew enraged, bitter to the extend that i was furious at everybody, at the world and, even, i was searching for any occasion for any guy, tall or bigger than me, no matter, to even look at me weird so I can smash his head splattered on the ground. or get myself in trouble with the law, so I can try to take a fews cops and then get beat up just to, i dunno, make troubles and finger the authorities and the system. (and piss of my wife at the same time)...

MY doc prescribed me some medications, and, in the course of a few months, with trial and errors, i finally stater to feel much better and doing well. not perfect, mind you, but better still!

Now, last week, my nagging and never satisfied angry face wife crossed the line another time but, this time, she crossed too far. since, I am SOOO angry, SOOO pissed at her, I dont see straight. At home, alone, I scream and curse about her, when she arrives from work, i cannot look or talked to her. I am SOOO angry. since last Wednesday, I started to have a new symptom, sitting still, my arms, shoulders moves incontrollably and sometimes my head do this no-no movements! its weird and I am thinking if its a early sigh of Parkinson OR a manifestation of my rage and my despair due to high stress and depression!

I am not myself, I mean, even last nite, I was contemplating hurting myself. I am a stupid coward I guess... but, for sure, its gonna be by smashing my head againts walls so i can get a good commotion and knock myself enough to become a vegetable if its whats needed to stop the pain, the discouragment and the crap.

It sucks, because, before the last wife crap attack, I was fine, not perfect, but fine. and, I dont think that it is the meds that stopped working, because, i mean, medicated or not, meds suppresses in part your depression but doesn,t create a total lobotomie,
so, even medicated, I can still REACT and have EMOTIONS, right?!

Well, as I write this, I am shaking again. I dont want to hurt her, nor my almost 2 years old little boy, I am not like that, but, I fear that to stop all this crap, its myself that I will have to hurt!

Thanks for your time and excuse the bad words, the bad wordings and
my stupidity! :-(

Frenchie