Sounds like you have a very supportive husband there! He likes your emotions. I would take advantage of that and just try my best to be myself. You are a worthwhile good person!
I think many of us have mothers (and other relatives and friends) that send us to crawling the walls at times.

I try to be myself and I've gotten a lot of slack for it over the years. I've been shunned and ostracized for it by those who are extremely old fashioned and think a woman "has her place." You know what I mean, barefoot and pregnant, in front of the stove, a little giggle now and then and smile all the time! Oh yes, don't forget we must weigh the perfect weight and look just right. We must be perfect and act "better" than men is what I have heard. But I have found that not to be realistic and there are some standards that I think are plain goofy or unreasonable.

I rarely wear makeup, I am not the "right" weight, I wear mostly comfortable clothes and am not always in style. Sometimes I have hairs that stick out here and there, God forbid.

Who's standards are those that I was following much of my life? I was socialized and raised to be all of "the perfect societies" expectations. But society is vast (and very imperfect) and now I don't have to be part of that perfect portrayal. Thank God! I have allowed myself to be me. Yes, it's been painful at times. But "no pain, no gain!" I would not want to be anyone else but who I am at this point in time. I am not totally content with my life because of some problems but I am okay with who I am today. I don't want friends who expect me to be someone else because they won't like me for me. I want those friends who like me for just being me.

If you saw me you would immediately know I am not what I was "supposed to be" by society's standards of when I grew up. I am in my mid forties now and there was a point when I felt like I was not being myself and it was in my twenties. After I got into personal growth because of the pain of not being me, I searced for me here and there. I felt lost and could not find me! Up until then I was what everyone else wanted me to be. Talk about a huge identity crisis.

Then came the anger and frustration with it all. I set out to find me and not to be what anyone "wanted" me to be. Oh boy, did I catch hell! Others got to know what I thought of their expectations, too. I guess I could have sang that Helen Reddy song, "I am Woman Hear Me Roar!" Yes, I came out of the kitchen yet now I like to cook still because I like it truly! I also appreciate men who cook, too.

I do know a lot more about who I am now and I took time to see what fit with me and what did not.

I know some women who only talk to me when their man is not around. Well, I don't feel close to them because of that. I am still searching for "real" people to be in my life. I have found some and appreciate them.

There is an old saying and it goes something like Try to Please Everyone and Someone Won't Be Happy-So Try to Please Yourself and At Least You Will Be Happy.

Yes, everyone has the ability to act meanly--women, men and kids. I've had all of them act meanly toward me at times. I find myself forgiving them now even though it's taken a long time to forgive some things. Not that I have forgiven or even remembered every transgression against me.

Lately, I find that I am just looking for down to earth genuine people to share with and I am looking for a man like that to share my life with, too. Yet, if I also make new female friends I will not use them just when my companion is not available.

I had friends in high school that were good friends and then stole my boyfriends away and never spoke to me again! I've been hurt by many women and by many men. All humans do stupid things at times, I guess.

Sometimes it can be lonely for a woman just trying to be herself but then someone will come along and appreciate her just as she is. I have met a few people recently who think I'm just fine just as I am and is it nice!!

Well, there's my rant for what it's worth. Take care. CQ

<font color=purple>"Experience teaches slowly and at the cost of mistakes." James A. Froude</font color=purple>

<font color=blue>"We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey." Stephen Covey </font color=blue>

<font color=orange>"Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine." Lord Byron</font color=orange>