Farmergirl,

What you mentioned has me thinking. . .maybe I would be better off not trying to process my past traumas. In some ways, i feel like i need to, because i get triggered so often in the present. Like for example, i had alot ot trauma as a kid where i needed help and didn't get it. . .and felt unworhy of being helped and invisible. . . so today, i end up feeling horrible pain and overreacting when something happens that brings up those same feelings in me. My t seems to think that processing the trauma in the past will make me stop being triggered now.

But it's just so emotionally painful to revisit my old traumas. It was a very bad experience for me to "go there" and then be paralyzed by the pain. I realized i couldn't bring myself out of it, and my t didn't feel comfortable providing physical comfort that would have brought me into the present and made the pain more bearable. Since then, i've just not been willing to go deeply into those painful places again. It hurts too much.