Not saying I dont want to live thats not what I mean at all but what makes you get out of bed.... what make you walk out of your house.....what makes you want to have fun...... what make you want to take the step to a better life....what makes you live life the way you do..... what makes you try harder to find more things to be happy about......

I having a strange day today.....I dont feel very depressed or anxious.....I'm just having a what for day I supose......why does the world exist does the world really exist do I really exist...it this what the world is about is it how the world will always be can I find a place in this world that I will find happiness out side the front door of my safe zone.......

Its a erie cant put my finger on it feeling.......it may be a slight derealisim I dont know....all I do know is that I want to find a way to LIVE(as in happiness, fun, full life, nothing negative) and not just exist.....I've run of energy to find the reason to LIVE.....I even feel like being depressed is to hard for me......I want to some answers other people perspective....I dont know what i want really i just dont feel like I can be anything today....I supose you could say I'm almost numb.......

what makes you feel like living.....what makes you want to walk out the door or get out bed what makes you put one foot in front of the other on a bad day and on a good day.

Life seems pointless from the perspective I seem to be viewing the world threw today....why do we exist why do animals exist how did the world come to be what it is today......I'm almost wishing I had secret derserted iland that my family could live happily and just be our selves. Build a nice house with casual furnishing, solar power, rain water tank, live self suficiantly for the rest of life. I want to hear the birds singing, see the ocean waves rolling, I want to smell fresh air. I want to pretend I'm the only one in this world cause then it would feel good. With the whole world to compare my life to I feel non existant and that does not feel good. I feel like the ants that we stand on every day I feel the flys that we swat away from us on hot days, i feel like nothing how does a person ignore how big the world really is and fell ok with being so small and u important to big picture. Why do I even care I dont understand.

I write this not to depress people but instead i supose to be inspired by other people on this day which tangable reasoning seem to be slipping threw my fingers.