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Nov 24, 2009, 12:44 AM
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I'm feeling so down tonight........
first off, due to financial difficulties, mom's house we will have to get rid of the cable, internet, and the keyboard (as in: this instrument) which geez, are the only 3 things I actually enjoy about that place aside from my kitties. Oh sure I at least have the internet and stuff over here at dad's, but it is getting increasingly hard to isolate myself with the pup around. Well, that was one of the points for me... but still it is more difficult dealing with the feelings associated with that then I anticipated.
On the same note, I am so sick of my step-dad. I hate him, he's a passive-aggressive-stealth-attack jerk.  Part of the reason I felt so crappy was that I had nowhere to go, I didn't want to be over at my dad's because it's not like I could hide away in my room like I like too, and no way would I want to stay there. I had no where to go, they wont let me go to a friend's without knowing even if I managed to get a hold of one, I'd go outside but I hardly know where I am ...and even then where would I go?
I'm hoping I can somehow spend thanksgiving with dad, because as of right now I have to go back there for the holiday. I honestly do not want to go over there... because I'm anticipating my step-dad giving some speech about being thankful for all the things in our lives etc. (it IS thanksgiving) and everyone else thinking how awesome it is when in the back of my mind I'd rather repeatedly hit my head against the wall then listen to his BS but if I say anything then woe is me as I'll be torn asunder. They know how I feel, I've told them before it even came to this point but they aren't very respectful of that. One day they'll push me to the breaking point and they'll wish they had given me some respect. They do not understand me, they want to understand me, but they simply can't... when I can I try to explain myself but they don't understand that even when I put it as simply as I can. I guess I'll just do my best to survive the day with my anger and sanity in check.
I want to talk to someone... not write in some journal for my T to read weeks later, but to actually communicate with someone in real time. Usually I go to PC but lately when I go here for help nobody even respond and it makes me feel like I've pissed everyone off and they're just giving me the silent treatment out of spite for reasons I don't have any freaking clue. I can't really talk to people offline either, for the obvious reasons.
just full of bitterness, anger and hurt at the moment at everyone. 
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