I think I may mean the same thing by "recognizing" my feelings that you mean by "identifying", but I'm not sure, as your comments didn't seem directed at my intent, so we may be missing communication here. What I meant was that I didn't know if I was feeling anything. I seemed to feel nothing. I didn't know how to "listen" to myself and sense if I was feeling anything. I was just very skilled at taking any feeling that might occur and stuffing it instantaneously deep inside so that I never knew it even existed. I didn't know if I was sad. I didn't know if I was angry. I didn't know if I felt joy. It has been wonderful to discover I actually do feel all of these things. I think the framework I may be referring to is my own, rather than that of a different language. (I am really most concerned with myself in therapy rather than with a universal, objective classification of feelings--simply not an interest of mine.) I now can feel sad/angry/joyful within my own framework. I remember very early in therapy, my T asked if I could say "ouch" if I found something hurtful, but it just seemed stupid to me. It was fake, I didn't feel hurt or pain. He would look at me expectantly when something hurtful would happen, but I would give no response. I felt a bit like he was trying to put me in the "box" of how he felt most people would feel and he was just wrong--I did not feel those things! But with lots of work in therapy, I have discovered that my therapist was right, I actually do feel all of those things, and can recognize them now when I do. And I could even say "ouch" now if my T were to ask.

It wasn't for me either. In fact, almost none of the benefits I have realized from therapy were goals of mine when I began. They have been "side benefits", and have actually turned out to be the most valuable things I have taken from therapy. I think that is common for quite a few clients. You start out with one intent but instead realize all these other gains, which you never even knew you wanted or were lacking in. Therapy can be surprising, with its hidden joys and unexpected twists and turns. Of course, it can be painful too. Being able to feel joy and pain makes me feel more human and alive.

I had never heard of "boundaries" until I began therapy. I think many therapists work with clients to help them learn to set boundaries and maintain them--it is a common presenting problem. My main problems with boundaries, unlike yours, were outside of therapy. I let people walk all over me, whereas in therapy, I had a trusted partner who would never take advantage of me. He respected boundaries that I didn't even have.

Anyway, as you requested, you are getting a number of responses in your thread from "older clients." It is looking like older clients' therapy experiences vary quite a bit. In general, I think one's response to psychotherapy is probably more strongly influenced by other factors than one's age. Aside from your age, what do you believe strongly influenced your experience in therapy? From reading about your experiences, I wonder how much was external (you were unlucky and got "bad" therapists) and how much was internal?