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I don't know what to do right now. Things are such a HUGE mess. Mentally I am feeling wonderful. My schizo symptoms are gone, my alters went into hiding... I haven't taken my meds and I've been happy. Actually happy. Things were GREAT to begin with. Wonderful. Now they aren't so great.
I'm staying with family right now and it's not good. They live in a small 3 bedroom and already have 6 people not including me and my daughter. I have slept in my car every night since my third night here. I am basically homeless right now. My daughter sleeps inside in a crib but I sleep in my car.
Everyone here is always SO angry. Always yelling and fighting and spreading lies and talking badly about everyone. The two kids here are so mean to my daughter and hit her all the time. I got a job to get money to get out of here but it didn't work out too well.
My Grandmother and I made a deal. I had gotten a part time serving job where I only worked 6 hours a day 3 days a week. She said she would baby sit my daughter and I could pay her. Things were working out and I had just finally gotten done with training. Than at 4am the day I was about to go to work, she takes off and leaves town. Missed work that day because I don't have a backup on Saturdays.
Than this past Friday I was supposed to work. I was getting ready for work and doing my hair and I hear my aunt (a year older than me) tell my Grandma she's going to Savannah. My Grandma says she has to stay to watch my daughter since my Grandmother wanted to go for a drive. My aunt said no than proceeded to tell my Grandmother her "brilliant" plan. They ended up sneaking out and not telling me a danged thing! My Grandmother crawled into the backseat of a 2 door sports car just to blow my off. Didn't come back until that night. Obviously after the second time I was fired.
My boss knows the situation and knows how badly I need money so she's letting me work when I can until she finds a replacement. I can't find another job. I have $3.50 right now and need gas and diapers and food. My ex wont pay me the money he owes me and his 1st sgt doesn't even care. I have no money, no way to get money.
I need out of this place, the anger, the name calling and the somewhat violence... For instance... My Grandfather (step) thinks it's playing around but it's really not. I was walking into the kitchen and he stopped me and used his cane to hook around my ankles and try to trip me. When it didn't work he took the can and pushed it against my neck and me against the wall... Litterally cut off my breathing for a sec. He was just "horse playing" but when you JUST leave a relationship where you were being choked in a non humerous way, it's not fun to be reminded of it.
I don't know what to do. Since I didn't go straight to the womens shelter here, tried to make it work with family, they wont take me now. No homeless shelters here which my daughter doesn't need to be around anyways. no way to keep a job, no place to live that isn't my car, no money for anything at all... I'm slowly wasting away and don't know how to dig myself out of this huge mess...
I'm a mess... This situation is a mess... I need help but don't know where to turn... Will things ever get easier?!
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I'd lock my hands behind my head, I'd cover my heart and hit the deck, I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you.
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