When i was talking w/ my T that day I had just blurted that comment out too. We were talking about a variety of things before that. And I got irritated and that answer just came out without me even thinking about it. I guess you could say I had my guard down and my true feelings just came out. Here I am denying that I needed, wanted or even cared about getting better. (I was there to humor my doctor so he'd refill my scripts for me.) Yet I kept going even after I could've told my doctor I tried and been done with it. I kept going even though just sitting in the waiting room was torture for me. I would be trembling so much that I had to sit on my hands or put them in my pockets to hide it. I didn't realize it till then how badly I really wanted to get better. I was so busy fighting it. Why? I dunno. I just thought none of this stuff in my head mattered. I still get caught up in that line of thinking. Get stuck and think I can't change it or fix it so it doesn't matter. And then I'll hear my T say..... but it does matter. It matters to you.