Hi Barb, your story breaks my heart. I was in a similar situation with an N, but got out before the violence started. Our Counselor told me to RUN!
It's my experience that the only way to fend off an N. is with escalating legal action. Get your lawyer involved and get a restraining order and continue to block him from contact at all levels. Let the only contact (if you have to have any at all) be through the police or Judge. The financial penalties should escalate as well.
Godspeed, you are in my thoughts,
VoN