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I do it because I'm overwhelmed with feelings I don't know what to do with and T isn't helping. It brings some relief to my pain. I only told T after I did it not while I do it. It's not for attention.
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The patient's job is to repeat in the therapy all the stuff that has been disastrous before. The T's job is to not let it happen, but to point out how it is happening. 
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