I'm only a year older than you, but your experiences and feelings are pretty relatable -- for me, anyways. I mean, I'm pretty much a waste of space. I make hurtful jokes about myself to mask underlying pain. "Friends" are more or less acquaintances, and I push people away a lot of the time. However, I've been used by people a lot in my life, so I always look at everyone I meet with suspicion -- are you going to use me, like everyone else? But I digress...

I can understand your "fantasies." I've done similar things to escape -- I was really into anime and video games for a while, but more recently I've been absorbed into reading (when I say "really into," I mean daydreaming about them, obsessing over characters, etc.). I know it's hard to think of "outgrowing" puppy; I have a somewhat-similar relationship with my cat (as embarrassing as it is to admit that). But maybe you could start with small steps? I think writing on-line, even anonymously, is a big step. You're relying on someone besides puppy to confide in, right? You could also try writing in a journal to relieve stress and anxiety as an alternative. The less you rely on puppy, the easier it will be to "outgrow" him.

Only superficial, immature girls look for the athletic "alpha male." WE'RE still in high school, isn't it a little early to "give up"? I could just as easily say: "men aren't attracted to nerdy girls that weigh more than 90 lbs. and aren't the head of the cheerleader squad." Is it true? (I'd like to HOPE not, or else my case is hopeless!) Besides, most kids our age are stupid and immature. You still have plenty of time to find someone (my dad didn't get married until he was 37!). I've come to the conclusion that high school romance is overrated, anyways.