Wow. I think I've only had one therapist who was as much as ten years older than me, and I'm not even sure he was that much older than me. Most of the therapists I've tried have been younger than me. The first ones I tried were only a few years younger than me, and at the time I anticipated that that wouldn't be a problem, that we could interact to some extent as peers. But that didn't turn out to be the case. On the one hand, they seemed to take more of an authoritarian position than I expected, but at the same time, they seemed shallow. (Perhaps the two were related). So after a couple of bad experiences, I deliberately sought out someone older than me -- but she was less than ten years older. Unfortunately, that also turned out to be a counterproductive experience.


I realized from the very beginning that it would be wise to interview a prospective therapist, and tried, but it didn't go very well. I didn't really know what questions to ask. I knew there were various "schools" of therapy (I hadn't learned the phrase "theoretical orientation" yet), so asked about that. But the answers were just words to me, with no meaning attached. Also, I was extremely self-conscious, and gave up pretty quickly. When I tried interviewing the therapist who was older than me, I did ask her the question about "school" of therapy (and didn't understand the answer), and how old she was. Since one thing problematical about the previous therapists was that there was no attempt at informed consent, and answers to my questions often seemed vague or evasive, I asked her if she let her patients know what she was doing. (I was only trying psychiatrists at that point, since I had had negative experiences with two psychologists.) She said yes, that she even gave them things to read. It turned out that she did a little bit (specifically, she gave a written sheet about appointment lengths and charges, which the previous therapists had not done, and when she suggested that I take an antidepressant, she gave me a copy of the information about it from the Physician's Desk Reference). But when I got up the courage to ask why she was doing what she did, she gave me answers like, "I'm trying to put together a puzzle" and "I have my reasons." I felt intimidated by her, but she didn't earn my respect either.

I remember another time when I tried to interview a therapist over the phone. I asked him what his philosophy of therapy was. (I still hadn't learned the phrase theoretical orientation) He said he didn't know what I meant. I said something like, "What beliefs do you base your work on?" He replied, "Therapy is not a religion." I once more felt put down.

So I admire your ability to interview prospective therapists. I just did not have that skill.

I remember once wishing I could find a book on "How to get along with your therapist."

Thanks for your contribution.