This. Exactly. I used to really beat myself up about it, you know, like "what is wrong with me?!". One school I went to had AA (as in 96 and above, not the other, lol) and then another school, where they had the just the traditional A s, they were all over the report card. Taking the ACT in h.s. ranked 99th percentile for college-bound. Went straight to a 4 year university and ended up dropping out with a major depression the beginning of third year. (When you're in a dark room all day and not able to bring yourself to attending classes... well...) Went home where depression was ignored -- major denial. Never quite got back on track. Got a 2 year degree about 10 years later, highest grades of major at graduation. Took another 2 year program another 10 years down the road, but didn't graduate -- not for lack of grades, but because, let's face it, unfortunately, two 2 year degrees don't add up to a 4. My earnings and jobs have been nothing on par with mind and abilities. Just can't stick with anything and with so often being depressed, self esteem has gone right out the window.

But art? Always, from very first memory. This is what I call "my one thing"... the thing I never doubted and could not be denied. So that is a good outlet, not only on my own, but in things like volunteering with set design at the theatre. Love to sing and grew up figure skating... many facets of artistic endeavor.

But making money? I suck at that. Even if I believed I could (and frankly, I can't imagine it), I worry about consistency. Not in quality but in ability to finish and start in the time frames that are expected. It just doesn't work that way for me. Projects out the wazoo, bam-bam-bam, then nothing. Finally being diagnosed bipolar (BP II) was in a sense a relief -- at least I finally understood what was going on and that it wasn't just lack of fortitude on my part.