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Originally Posted by velcro003
Interesting topic! This is my first go-round with therapy, and I have struggled/still sometimes struggle with the "is it a good fit?" theme. I do agree that there is no way for clients to really understand if they have a good fit with their T, or how important that relationship is.
What I am having trouble with-is how do you REALLY know, when your feelings towards the T fall in the gray area? She has never said or done anything to really upset me, she has left me feeling slightly better on occasion...but its been two years and I still get nervous and its like pulling teeth to get me to open up.
Is this because I don't feel comfortable with her/we don't mesh? Is it because I am afraid to trust, no matter who it would be? Is it neccesarily bad that it is so hard for me? That if I keep working at it, I will (hopefully) be able to open up? I sometimes think if I had a T like my GP who is the sweetest lady in the world--would I open up easier/faster? Not that my T isn't kind, she's just very neutral. Then I think would a T act like my GP? Be so open and sweet and caring? Probably.
See what my brain does?! My T has mentioned that maybe I would be less anxious seeing someone else, but I keep saying "no, I want to keep at it." I don't know why-i hoope it isn't just fear of starting all over. I also hope that its just hard because I just am afraid to be vulnerable, and that would be difficult with anyone...maybe less so with someone more "up front" with their caring. But maybe I will feel a greater sense of satisfactuion and self by keep trying. I don't know.
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I think fear of starting all over (or perhaps not so much fear but a sense of the enormity of the task) was part of what kept me from trying a different therapist when therapist #3 clearly was more counterproductive than helpful, and that I made a big mistake by staying with her for as long as I did (and repeated the same mistake with #4). But everyone is different. It is a decision we each have to make for ourselves. Regrettably, we can't know in advance if we're making the right decision, and we have to live with the consequences if we make the wrong decision. I wonder if your therapist could make some suggestions of therapists she thinks might be better for you, and you could try them, but come back to your current T if they don't work out? Although, that might not work out financially if you are using insurance.
Another possibility is to see if your T would be willing to try alliance and outcome evaluations. I think there are some available on the web at links from
http://www.talkingcure.com/.