I'm sorry that you didn't get all you needed from your session today. Some sessions are like that, especially when you have so much to say about different issues. I remember feeling frustrated and disappointed when I chose to talk about day to day problems, which were necessary to work on, when I also had something major and deeper to discuss. It's hard to decide what to focus on. I know what you mean about it feeling too "surfacey". I used to crave the dramatic sessions--they felt more intimate, even, or especially, when I shared difficult stuff. I wanted the connection with my T more than I wanted to discuss my other issues, so I felt like I was missing something. Do you think that's part of the problem for you?

I think it could also be that you were kind of on a roll, uncovering some major feelings about your past, and experiencing something, like at your d's play. You wanted to continue that, but you didn't. You can go back to it next session, you know.

I'm sorry you feel so hopeless about improving your H issues. I don't think it's a waste to have spent the session on it even if it didn't "work" right away. Now ftt understands you and your H better. It may be better, though, for you and your H to see someone together, like you used to with dt. You were considering this male T for couples therapy. Are you going to pursue that? Did you ask ftt if she thought seeing someone else with your T would be productive?

If you still feel in that dark, hopeless place, that's what you probably need to discuss next session, or even sooner, in a phone call, if the feelings don't go away. Therapy is hard, and takes time, unfortunately. I hope you feel better tomorrow!