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I'm only a year older than you, but your experiences and feelings are pretty relatable -- for me, anyways. I mean, I'm pretty much a waste of space. I make hurtful jokes about myself to mask underlying pain. "Friends" are more or less acquaintances, and I push people away a lot of the time. However, I've been used by people a lot in my life, so I always look at everyone I meet with suspicion -- are you going to use me, like everyone else? But I digress...
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Are you me? Haha, just kidding.
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The less you rely on puppy, the easier it will be to "outgrow" him.
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That's what's so hard about outgrowing him. He is such an integral part of my life, losing him would be like losing a piece of myself. I talk to him in my head every day. Whenever I come home from school, the first thing I do is go into my room, pick up my puppy, and hug him. He's always excited when I come home, asks me how my day went, and tries to make me feel better if it was bad. I'm not a psychologist or anything, but I think the reason I love him so much is because he provides unconditional love and is unconditionally loyal, and since I created Puppy's personality, it means that the only person I trust to never hurt me is myself. I don't know, I muse on my life when I can't sleep and this is what I come up with.
Also, while I'm here I might as well ask what those images I get in my head mean. Those images of me getting beat up and other types of abuse whenever I dwell on my mistakes and shortcomings. I didn't mention it in the OP, but the person that's doing the beating is another version of me. It sounds weird but it's like one side of my personality beating up another side.
I'm a very visual thinker, I think I mentioned that before when I said "I've always been able to translate feelings and concepts to images and colors." Here's the visual representation of my personality:
http: //img7.imageshack.us/img7/9335/324234.jpg
It won't let me post a picture, so just remove the space.
It's roughly done, but that's sort of what I see in my head. (except in 3D) The gray represents walls.
The funny guy is what I present to most of the world. The gray squiggly lines represent a thin wall. The thin wall is basically due to me being an introvert; I don't go around talking to random people until I'm comfortable around them. Once they get past that wall, they get my humorous side.
Very few people have gotten behind the 2nd wall to get to Mr. nice guy. That is when I actually consider someone a friend and care about them, though not to the same extent as Puppy, they still mean something to me.
Behind that is the huge wall that no one has ever gotten through. Behind that wall are two rooms. Room#1 is protected by numerous other walls and a "guard" aka Mr. a**hole. Inside room#1 is where I see a weak, pathetic, and depressed version of me being beat up and abused by an extremely angry version. This is where those images I see take place. Sometimes the weak version of me is chained up and crying while Mr. A**hole and Mr. Angry stand outside to guard. I think, though I'm not sure, this symbolizes how I act angry at the world and become an overall cynical a**hole to hide my weakness.
In room#2, I don't really know who or what side of me that is. It's like an "insane" version of me. I'm chained to the floor and crazy. My clothes are ripped, and I'm yelling and screaming incoherently. Sometimes this side manifests and I start making weird sounds with my mouth and I feel as if something is trying to get out and I'm going to explode. This doesn't happen often, only when I'm extremely stressed out.
This is just what my brain comes up with visually when I think about my personality. I don't really think these are multiple discrete personalities, but more of different parts of me that make up a whole.
I've tried to explain the picture the best I could, can any psychologists here expand on it?