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Originally Posted by whoswho
Haha. I wish I could be a visual person, or even a poetic one! Alas, I'm very calculating and "machine-like." I'm by no means a psychiatrist or anything, but how you view yourself as, literally, different people, resembles a dissociative disorder. I'm bipolar, so I've always thought of myself as being "three" different versions of me -- the manic (fun-loving, impulsive, energetic), depressed (irritable, melancholy, distant), and the "normal" me all sandwiched together. Unlike DID, they aren't different people, they don't have different names; they're all just me ("I" instead of "us"). In a way, it resembles a dissociative disorder, but (for me) I think it's just a result of bipolar disorder.
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Those different "people" that I drew aren't real distinct people. They're just the visual representation of the different parts that make up my personality as a whole; crumbs of a larger cookie.
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For me, the answer would be something like: because it's easier to turn inwards; because I want to be independent; because I'm afraid of being hurt; because I don't want to worry anyone with my stupid problems.
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Our similarities are uncanny.
Like I wrote in my OP, I was bullied and made fun of growing up, and I built my first wall. Being bullied was also probably how I developed my inferiority complex and low self-esteem.
In elementary school, Puppy wasn't my only stuffed animal; I had more. Since I really didn't have any friends back then, I substituted humans with my stuffed animals. Like Puppy, each one of them had distinct personalities and backstories. Puppy had a mother, father, 2 brothers, and 3 sisters. I also had a snake, a Barney, and a dinosaur. As I grew older, they each faded out one by one, until only Puppy remained.
Then in middle school, there was that whole fiasco I mentioned in the OP with that girl. After that, I promised myself I would never allow anyone close enough to hurt me again. That promise is the huge wall I drew between Mr. Nice Guy and my inner, weaker, self. I would rather be nice and get friendzoned then to allow someone behind that wall.
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does it not also say that you view others as being "faithless" and "unloving"?
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The majority of humans are cruel and ruthless. Four years ago, I found a website where others like me congregated. We were all jaded, bitter, and mad at the world, and we dealt with it by becoming a parody of the world we hated. We laughed and made fun of the most horrible and sickest things. Everything ranging from 9/11 to natural disasters. One of the members of the site said:
"We may be a**holes, we may be a hate machine, we might be monsters...but remember, monsters are never born, they're made. Trust us, none of us wanted to end like this, but how we were treated, abused, and misused by the world. If we could all change it, we would. But we can't and we will have to live with it for the rest of our lives. We never wanted it to be this way."
Although, imo, that poster was being slightly overdramatic, he spoke what I thought to be the truth. I, and others like me, found that site because we were hurt by others in some way, and we used the internet as an escape.
I don't go to that site much anymore, but mainly because as the site grew and became more popular, the quality of posts had declined. I do however, still visit the site for its technology section, because I like technology
