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lynn P. · Nov 27, 2009, 11:43 AM

Why Holidays Don't Have to be Happy
Here's an article from Medical News Today that gives five tips for more realistic holiday expectations, and a redefinition of what it means to have a happy holiday season. Thought it might be helpful for those of us who have difficulties during the holidays.

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http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/172229.php

Hi TBear,
I copied this article that Pomegranate put up and I think it's very helpful for anyone who feels more depressed during the holidays. Pomegranate have a very realistic approach in dealing with her depression and we could all learn alot from her.

I also don't like the holidays because my husband wasn't born here, plus he's a different religion. He doesn't mind acknowleging these holidays but he doesn't have a history with them. So his family obviosly dosn't celebrate them. Both my parents are deceased - lost my father when I was 2. I also have lost 2 brothers and I'm alienated (another story LOL) from my sister. I have one older brother but he lives 4hrs by plane. Since my father passed when I was 2 on Dec 18th, my mother always struggled with the holidays. She did her best, but there was this deep underlying sadness that as a child, I could sense. So holidays obviously aren't fun for me, but I have 2 girls and I don't want ruin it for. I don't want to repeat history and have them come on PC (LOL) when they're older and say "Mom was always sad on holidays".

I like what Elysium said about making your own traditions that your own children will want to carry with them. I also like Rohag's analogy where he states that your Mom was the 'hub holding the wheel together'. You have 2 choices to try to patch up thinks with your family or accept things the way they are and make your own traditions- while taking the realistic approach mentioned in Pomegrante's post.

I thnk this article is so true, that people want the holidays to be perfect, like what's portrayed on TV and in magazines. There's so much pressure for everything to be perfect and very unreasonable expectations - that are guaranteed to end in disappointment. I have very fond memories of Xmas as a child despite my mom's sadness - I basically got most of the gifts because I was the BABY -yipee!!! What I'm leading to here is -we can't dwell on the past of how holidays used to be. We can only have control over what's happening at this moment.

Your mom had the strength to be the center planner for the holidays, so now that you're an adult you can make your own traditions. It's okay if they're not as grand as your mom's. You can also try if you want to patch up things with your family but I still think you need to make your own holiday celebration.

I know some people who go to missions and help serve holiday dinners to the homeless. I've also heard of families that invite an elderly person/persons who has no family to have dinner. There's no set rule that says we must have the perfect family celebration on holidays.

One year before I had my girls I didn't even celebrate Xmas - it was a relief and saved me alot of money. Xmas has turned very commercial and that's sad. I think the holidays usually end up magnifying all the family problems and end up disappointing and stressful. If I were you I would create your own tradition and enjoy the holidays with your husband/children but keep it simple and relaxing. Don't compare it to the past or the false image that society portrays.