Junerain

I feel and sense deeply and enjoy being alone because I don't get criticized and ridiculed, to me, for no reason. There's a certain serenity, peace and calmness in being alone, if not safety. Am I happy? The majority of the time I am. Its the interaction with people who seem to be drawn to me. Usually I am minding my own business, taking a walk at work, eating lunch and doing a cross-word puzzle or just doing my thing. I am an out going friendly person but lately I'm showing another side by pushing some people away. I am completely fed up with negative nice nasty! So I have the confidence but lose it when I find myself in an argumentive type situation. All my nails turn into claws. As this is an area that a good deal of people are adept at being nasty or down right mean, I don't play well, have become rude; just anything to get them away from me. I don't want to push everyone away. My intuition or sense of what I'm usually faced with strong. This I sometimes wish I could turn off. BUT I'd like friendships just as everyone else does, only more positive.

Are my needs being met? From myself yes. From others no and I don't expect that. I seemed to be surrounded by "what can you do for me" types including my husband. I've had satisfying relationships in the past with friends who've passed away, or moved and we've lost touch or those where we've grown apart. I understand that I am at a crossroads where a decision will make or break me. I'd like to have a conversaton, pour my heart out, get feedback and not have the words revisit me as I so often have; the everyone knows my and whispers. I'd like to have a true friend who treats me as I've treated them.

I'm here, posting as an ultimate effort to reachout, learn and receive. I'm also in the depression and lonely people area.