A few days ago I was told of my fathers passing away at 62 years. I have not seen or spoken to him for nearly 17 years. There was no falling out as such, he has just never really been interested in my life. I come from a very dysfunctional family and he has several other children much youger than me, to various partners. He was never a part of my childhood, although he should have been considering I was living in a very abusive household. I have often thought about how I would feel,in the event of his death. The emotions I am feeling have taken me completely by surprise. I have cried endlessly, feel sick and am unable to eat. I have deep sadness. The memorial service is not for another 2 weeks, but I dont feel able to attend. I would be a stranger at a strangers funeral. I think the sadness I feel , is not for the loss him as a person, but perhaps the loss of the relationship I never had. I dont know! I would appreciate any comments.