I don't know. Well, I guess I know.. that I would be as lost as I was for so long. Although I have a long way to go, I feel better now after a couple of years of therapy. Knowing I have my time with T where I can sort out my internal experiences... is so relieving.
I used to make sure I always had Xanax with me; just knowing it was there if I needed it could make me feel calmer. Now I rarely take it, but knowing T/therapy is there can help me feel calmer even when I'm not right there.